I’ve been working on Phantom Port for a year or so now, on and off.

This past weekend I vended at FlameCon (which was incredible) and I’ve got another show coming up in September. Admittedly it is not what I had hoped it was. Don’t get me wrong, I do well enough. I’ve met plenty of other vendors who have had far less successful shows than me, but I imagined doing better than I have been.

I don’t mean for that to sound disparaging to others; I mean that I am fortunate that I can make a profit and not just break even. That said, I know that I haven’t put my all into it. I have a day job. I have other things to do that are far less exciting (like waiting for the AC repair guy to show up, but that’s another story.)

So I hit a cross roads.

I could call it and let the anxiety win and attribute to “not being good enough.”

…or I could step it up.

I chose the second option. I’m taking a hiatus after the next show to do this thing the way I envisioned it. Like a real art project. Real statement. Real brand. (Okay, that last one sounds very corporate and gross, but you get what I mean.)

I’m going to take time and focus on putting together more items to sell. New shirts, new keychains, new prints that fit in more thematically, new products altogether, and more. I’m going to redo the presentation of my booth and make it the way I envisioned it, like some kind of cyberpunk black market stall ripped from the rainy streets of Shinjuku in some sci-fi setting.

There’s this problem with ADHD where you feel like you’ve engaged or started a hobby because you bought the tools. I am tremendously guilty of this. I’m sitting in this moment, right now, where I am talking a lot about doing this revamp.

I don’t want this to be another checked box on the symptom list.

Check back in a few months. Let’s see where this goes.