Late breakfast. I am trying hard to be more disciplined. With ADHD and OCD that can be incredibly difficult at times. Pushing through it helps in the long run as a clean house and clear mind go a long way.
I never had a direction for this blog. I thought I’d be posting more design work here and sharing more articles but that’s not the case. Part of why I wanted to start this was meditative and to have some kind of escape from traditional social media. Getting some writing in doesn’t hurt either.
My internet pal Ian has a wonderful newsletter/blog that, in his words, offers “weekly reflections on curiosity, beauty, and the examined life.” In some way I wanted to do a bit of the same. I always admired his writing and there was a sense of calm that pervaded his posts/emails. I definitely recommend giving his blog a read, especially because of his fantastic photography.
I’m not a writer, nor would I ever claim to be. I have friends who are far more talented in that arena than I could hope to be. I really want to believe that if I do this more regularly not only would it benefit my mental health but maybe it would help me improve my writing. So far the mental health part seems to be working.
If nothing else I still get some enjoyment out of this. I haven’t really made connections through it and I am not even sure that anyone out there is reading, but I’m okay with that. There’s always room for improvement.
I’ve been working on Phantom Port for a year or so now, on and off.
This past weekend I vended at FlameCon (which was incredible) and I’ve got another show coming up in September. Admittedly it is not what I had hoped it was. Don’t get me wrong, I do well enough. I’ve met plenty of other vendors who have had far less successful shows than me, but I imagined doing better than I have been.
I don’t mean for that to sound disparaging to others; I mean that I am fortunate that I can make a profit and not just break even. That said, I know that I haven’t put my all into it. I have a day job. I have other things to do that are far less exciting (like waiting for the AC repair guy to show up, but that’s another story.)
So I hit a cross roads.
I could call it and let the anxiety win and attribute to “not being good enough.”
…or I could step it up.
I chose the second option. I’m taking a hiatus after the next show to do this thing the way I envisioned it. Like a real art project. Real statement. Real brand. (Okay, that last one sounds very corporate and gross, but you get what I mean.)
I’m going to take time and focus on putting together more items to sell. New shirts, new keychains, new prints that fit in more thematically, new products altogether, and more. I’m going to redo the presentation of my booth and make it the way I envisioned it, like some kind of cyberpunk black market stall ripped from the rainy streets of Shinjuku in some sci-fi setting.
There’s this problem with ADHD where you feel like you’ve engaged or started a hobby because you bought the tools. I am tremendously guilty of this. I’m sitting in this moment, right now, where I am talking a lot about doing this revamp.
I don’t want this to be another checked box on the symptom list.
Check back in a few months. Let’s see where this goes.
Previously I blogged about attempting water propagation. Thought it was worth revisiting as it went very well! At first it seemed a lost cause with no visible root growth. Reading up on it I quickly learned that to properly attempt this you need to cut the stem just under a node. I gave it another go and sure enough we had growth!
General advice I received suggested not moving the leaves into a planter until your “roots had roots.” Once it got to that point they found their new home in the beautiful skull planter Anabel bought me years and years ago.
I’ve started another set of leaves so hopefully it goes as smoothly as this did!
Also worth noting? I’ve been taking care of the African Violets that Kit got Anabel as a gift. The flowers had long since withered but the leaves stayed very healthy so I included it in my routines. Much to our surprise, just a week ago or so it sprouted not just one, but two new flowers!
I have this horrible habit/outlook/anxiety about not being able to follow instructions and achieve the end result. I don’t know if the ADHD is to blame or what, but it’s a fear that has always stuck with me. It has been very rewarding to take care of the flowers and propagate leaves. Even our monstera is healthy again.
Maybe it’s related, maybe it’s not, but I’ve recently struggled with the concepts of authenticity and “being a good person.” The former is something that has always been in the peripheral.
Is this work of art genuine, or is it just too much of my interests and inspiration taking center stage?
Is this song my own, or am I just misremembering a cool melody I heard?
How much of my personality is really “me”?
Even writing this now I wonder if the “me” I am presenting here is really me at my core. That was a ridiculous sentence to type but I hope you get what I mean.
It’s not some unheard of concept that people present a “version” of themselves online. People do it in person too. You want to be your best self. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but whether it’s a real tangible fear or just my anxiety doing its thing, I worry that too much of what I share, or say, or do, isn’t me at all.
I think that connects pretty directly to my other worry and that’s being a better person. I try my best to be kind, to listen, to help, to do the ‘right thing.’ It’s that old saying: “Your character is what you do when nobody is watching.” I want to say that holds true and I am the person I want people see me as, but I don’t know if it is. I’ve made mistakes and have flaws. I don’t mean that I’ve executed some horrible plot in secret, but that I want to be nicer. Kinder. More empathetic. I don’t think I’ve done a terrible job with those things but I want to genuinely work on those qualities.
I think I’m rambling too much and I’m starting to think it sounds oddly boastful. Bottom line is I want to be more honest, kind, and dependable.
I am, admittedly, bad at keeping up with this. I kept holding off for a time that felt natural to post but that also strikes me as a symptom of ADHD / OCD / Anxiety (or just the combination of all three.)
Recently, I bought one of the new Gundam models from the Gquuuuuux series and got off to an incredibly slow start. After also picking up the Deathscythe (Gundam Wing), I decided I should probably finish the Zaku.
In a previous post I mentioned my struggles with ADHD and honestly, that’s likely why I’ve had trouble sitting down with model kits. I want it to be done immediately. It wasn’t until Woolie from the Versus Wolves podcast described the “zen” process of sitting down and doing Gunpla that I realized it should be relaxing, not a hassle.
This recontextualized the whole hobby for me.
I knew, of course, that patience was key in the hobby, but I had never thought about it as something meditative or relaxing. When I started the Zaku model, I had to fight every urge to get through it as fast as possible. I had to fight the sensation of “being overwhelmed” when I saw all the instructions. That itch is still there but I somehow managed to take my time with it and enjoy it!
One thing I do want to note is that the instructions still do feel overwhelming, but it moves much quicker than you think. Before I knew it I had the torso and a whole arm put together. I can easily seem myself knocking out the other arm and maybe the legs in another session. It will be over before I know it and I’ll be excited to move onto the next.
This model is very cool, but also, ACAB. ACAB.
I haven’t made music in a long, long time. My last “release” was the nanocarbon shrine single, but my last album was “Welcome to the NET” in 2022. That’s a solid 3 years since I’ve done a full album. A lot has happened between then and now, and I do want to put another album together, but maybe I’ll take my time. Patience is key.
My last post was in May. Funny enough, it expressed a genuine love for the design aesthetic of the new Marathon game. Turns out that was built on stolen design. I’m mostly shocked I hadn’t picked up on any of it as I’ve been a fan of Antireal’s design work. The idea that they lifted another designer’s work, put it in their game, and said “I made this” is absolutely insulting. If they wanted that so bad they should have consulted and paid Antireal properly. Just… wild.
What else? Well, I’ve been “gone” because I’ve been busy… and sick. My wife has had a solid number of conventions lately since it’s con season, and I’ve even done a few as well. I’m currently working on new designs for apparel, accessories, and even a few zines. The first of which I’ve mentioned here several times. On top of that I’ve been getting back into the groove of work for a few projects I’ve been commissioned for. I can’t quite talk about them but I will say one is an indie video game and the other is work for a tabletop RPG.
Needless to say I’ve been busy.
I’d love to get back into making music again. The last release I dropped was a rework of the low.poly.exception track “Nanocarbon Shrine” but under the neon shudder mantle. It’s a silly idea but very much intentional as the tweaked version fit the direction of neon shudder more than low.poly. I have two rough album concepts in the works: “Traveler” and “Seraphim.” The first being funkier, more chill, and more instrospective; based on, you guessed it, traveling. Being on the move. Seraphim is more conceptual and has a theme about angels and demons and all that fun stuff. Still figuring out what that looks like. I would have loved to release either of them much sooner than whenever they will come out, but I’d rather take my time.
If you’re reading this, what have you been working on?
I saw this post on YankoDesign.com about a conceptual laptop designed by Braz de Pina. The post was appropriately titled “Colorpunk” — his work having bright blues and yellows that boldly stand out.
I was disheartened to learn it wasn’t a real laptop as I fell in love with the design immediately. The simple but loud colors reminded me a bit of the aesthetic that Bungie leaned into for the upcoming “Marathon” game. There’s a very minmalist tech theme to the keyboard but with strong color choices — complimentary light blue and strong yellow — as opposed to the typical monochrome palette found in science fiction, tech design, etc.
I think this sort of aesthetic, or color palette at least, is something I’ve always had a soft spot for. Anyone who knows me knows that my wardrobe is almost entirely black and grey with olive highlights here and there, maybe an occasional pop of dark blue. I’ve got a few fits, however, that don’t quite fit the theme and it feels good to do something different now and again.
I always loved clean design work, and it’s something I employ in my own pieces. The art of “Marathon” or someone like Braz executes it in a way that feels both retro and futuristic in entirely separate ways. Maybe I need to try some of that myself in my own design work, especially for Phantom Port. I think it’ll suit Ghost Mapping very well.
Do you have an aesthetic you love that is a bit out of your comfort zone?
My love for Casio watches should have been mentioned at some point. If it hasn’t been mentioned… well, there you have it, I guess. I don’t remember exactly when or why I ended up loving them, but some version of the popular F91W watch caught my eye. I ended up settling for a clear one, which I still love very much, but I’ve since expanded my collection with the LF20W-8A, the flashy A120WE-1AVT (silver with the teal/purple buttons), and most recently, the polarizing GA-V01 (silver version).
The GA-V01 arrived yesterday and I’m obsessed. It’s no secret I love Y2K style design work and I fully intend to break that down in another blog entry. The new Casio line, however, has generated a lot of conversation online, mostly around how ugly people think it is.
I feel like at some point in my life that would have concerned me. That I liked the watch but most people found it hideous. Now though? I’m not sure it bothers me that much. To be honest, I even understand why people don’t like it, but I love the damn thing. Maybe a symptom of getting older. Good.
What else? The new Ghost album, Skeletá, dropped. Maybe not as cohesive or consistent as Impera, but it has really grown on me. A few tracks already rank as “all time favorites” while others are finding themselves in regular playlist rotations. We’ve been listening to the album in full quite a bit lately.
One of the limited offerings from Rucking Fotten on Alien Day.
4/26, the day before the album dropped, was Alien Day. We watched the first movie for the millionth time and it still holds up. The atmosphere and aesthetics are just unmatched. Incredible movie.
We also took a trip to some interesting shops about 30-40 minutes away from us ranging from oddities shops and haunted offerings to more simple thrift stores and ice cream shops. It was a pretty typical venture further into the suburbs but the places we visited were fun. Though I didn’t experience anything strange in the part of the shop/museum that was designated as “very haunted” it was still an incredibly unique offering compared to some of the other stores in the area. The scenery around town was gorgeous too, I’ll give it that.
Tomorrow the Mrs. is off with friends to thrift stores which leaves my boy Dan and I hunting monsters once again. Only one week or so left of leisure before we really kick into overdrive with con season. Let’s go!
It’s been almost a week since I last wrote anything here and while some of that was due to being incredibly busy, it was largely due to allergies.
I also turned 39 yesterday, but that’s not important! What *is* important is the new Ghost album is out Friday (the single “Peacefield” dropped today, and it’s an incredible serving of Journey style tunes), and Bethesda dropped their “Oblivion” remaster today. These two things are far more exciting than getting older, that’s for sure.
I wish I had something more substantial to share here but today is the first day in about a week that I’ve felt vaguely human and I’m catching up on work/chores missed in the meantime.
Bungie, the parents of Halo and Destiny, are releasing their modern take on their old title “Marathon.” The gameplay trailer above has me fiending to play. The game looks incredible but the visuals are gorgeous. There’s an impeccable loud, bold, tech design going on and I’m in love with it.
…but for now, Monster Hunter Wilds has my attention.
Ghost’s new song + video “Lachryma” is phenomenal. Their first single from Skeletá, “Satanized,” is fantastic too but this one clicked with me something fierce.
When I thought back on this post I started to wonder why I hadn’t found anything worth sharing. The first few blog posts I made since deciding to actually utilize this were sharing articles or videos of interest to me. I didn’t want to share for the sake of it – I wanted it to be worth a discussion. Worth sharing thoughts.
I realized it was because a lot of the interesting bits I’d pick up were filtered through various subreddits. The downside is curiosity gets the best of me and I make a fatal mistake: reading the comments.
It’s true that sometimes I glean some extra information from reading conversations sometimes. More often than not the same toxic behaviors found on other social media sites manifest there. That was reason enough for me to give RSS Readers another go.
I very much liked Google Reader before its untimely demise in 2013 (Thanks Google+). It was a fantastic way to keep up on many subjects and I miss that experience. So I downloaded an app, got my sites set up, and I’m going to see if I keep up with it.
nanocarbonshrine.com 